Part 6: Sometimes I Update... About Cheese, Part 2
Update 06: Sometimes I Update... About Cheese, Part 2




Yep, the game has friendly ogres, too! Not many, mind, but some. I don't think this little village is ever officially named, but I rather like it. Let's say hi to some of the locals.


Local minotaurs giving "kegger" a whole new meaning. They know how to fucking party.


Everyone hates the Church of Eep, it seems. Must be a local offshoot of Bark.






Here we can also sell those Forged Credit Vouchers we've found in a few places. If you're really hungry for money, you can earn a bit of a profit by running a trade triangle between three buyers and sellers, but ultimately it's never really worth it nor as profitable as simply mangling a lot of enemies. There aren't an awful lot of gold sinks in the game besides late-game training and spells if you have multiple necromancers/clerics. You can occasionally trade up a bit when shopping gear in the early game, but you quickly cap out what the armories are likely to offer. Alchemists can sometimes sell the rare black stat-boosting potions, though, but they go for surprisingly cheap.




Not cows, though, but gorgons.


I'm not sure where this naming originated, in any case, I think D&D is to blame, but where D&D got the name I'm not quite sure(or rather, associating the name, which I know, with evil livestock). Gorgons are pretty bad news for a lot of parties, being completely Air and Fire immune, pretty beefy in HP, and capable of Paralyzing(tier 1) or Stoning(tiers 2 and 3) anyone they hit. Their only saving grace is the absence of a ranged attack, so sufficient patience will allow any flying party to own them. Also thankfully so far we've only met them outdoors where they can be kited even on the ground, meeting them indoors would... not be good. It really would not be good.








I know that sometimes the entrance loading screens don't match the in-game models, but c'mon, you could've at least made the damn thing poke outta the lake or something in the game model, too.







You know what's fucking weird about Tritons? According to the strategy guide, they don't exist! So far they're the only enemy that literally hasn't had a stat sheet in there! So I can't say much about them except that they lack any sort of unique attacks but are reasonably beefy and hard to put down.










So by default, every downwards slope in the Lair is blocked by water. Tritons can rise out of this(but not down, since it's just a wall that only exists from one side, occasionally triggering some funny behavior when they try to flee), which is worth keeping in mind, and flipping the levers that are present in most rooms will remove a section of water, though some levers will also raise other levers. You can't drown yourself or anything, though.


Flipping the first lever initiates the fish buffet and we descend into the bowels of Balthazar Lair which is uhhhh... it's really just like ten square rooms connected by twisty corridors, most of them full of fishmans and with one or multiple levers.



Sadly, the very first room we enter has the order in which to flip levers spelled out for us, which is kind of a shame. It could've been an interesting puzzle or, more likely, a pointless brute forcing, but just flat-out telling the player how to complete the puzzle, without any rewards for experimenting(perhaps some orders would open other rooms full of treasure or some such), feels like it somewhat negates the point of the player being at the controls at all.


In other news, the pathfinding is still absolutely dogshit and the Tritons repeatedly get stuck on these little minotaur shop porches.


For now, though, every single doorway except for Thanys' house at the entrance leads to this screen, water damage is no joke.


What happens when tritons come out of the water and then flee, I assume the game couldn't handle two-way permeable surfaces that only monsters can pass through.

So after about ten identical rooms of mangling Tritons and pulling levers with practically no challenge, I'm starting to feel cocky and rush in as I see these Tritons down a ramp. What I miss, though, because I've let my Wizard Eye lapse, is that I've passed by two submerged passages and aggroed the Tritons inside, so when the Tritons down below start coming up and I try to back up and keep distance, I can't move, turn around and see...





Jasp, as the most fragile character, eats shit, but Maylander and Arachne manages to survive. They're pretty dinged up, but Maylander put Regeneration on everyone, so they'll be alright. Eventually.


I wriggle Ithilgore loose and snipe the Tritons from range, and drag him slowly through the dungeon while the rest of the party's severe head wounds heal(and in Jasp's case, while he slowly decays).

And eventually, eventually, he reaches the final lever. I'm not going to apologize for skipping over most of this dungeon because it's really just the same little rooms over and over again, sometimes with more red tritons, sometimes with more blue tritons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWwflIsaCwc
Not actually present in the gameworld: any sort of giant ledge or cliffside entrance shown in the animated cutscene. But in any case, this means that now all the tunnels are drained, as well as the homes, so we can actually make use of the minotaur businesses(for instance, their temple, which Jasp needs badly), and visit the locals. Let's start at the bottom and work our way up:




I appreciate that Masul doesn't fuck us around with any sidequests or generally being troublesome. He hears the world needs him, recognizes that we're doing good, and packs his bags immediately. From this point onwards he hangs out in Ravenshore instead of Balthazar Lair. Good guy.




Generally the minotaur shop interiors all look pretty cool, though some are hard to convey the coolness of since they're very animated and come out hyper-crusty as screenshots or .gifs.

Pictured: Minotaur banking.

"Sir, should we perhaps build a door in front of it?"
"Naw, just pile it all in one big stack and then put the beefiest employees we have in front of it."

And their training center includes a guy chipping out a statue of himself right in the middle of it all. I mean, I guess that's a kind of exercise and skill training!



The other minotaurs either live in opulent palaces or literal earthy caves. Not sure if that's a commentary on the harsh have/have not divide of Balthazar Lair or just artists getting confused in their directions.


















With the exception of Arius, every single recruitable minotaur NPC is hanging out in Balthazar Lair and only one of them is willing to come hang out with us.

I also stop by the shops for a bit of a fashion upgrade for Arachne. The armour's not quite there, but the staff is now quite necromancery, even if the hat looks... poorly placed on her head. Mostly some attempt is made to conform it to the paper dolls, but this one is literally just slapped on top of the wearer's model like a bad MSPaint edit.



Thanys is a decent enough recruit, skill-wise, with his main issue being that he's a minotaur. Thanks to dual-wielding, I think Knights will largely come out as stronger combatants, dual-wielded daggers make Vampires and Dark Elves almost as good combatants, and the two of them are either capable of casting spells or have better access to misc. skills like disarm traps.







Uphill of the vents is the main entrance to Balthazar Lair... which emerges in-dungeon right next to where the vents drop you off. It feels strongly like the two locations should've been shifted, just so it made more sense that the main entrance was flooded and we needed to use the vents. And, hell, just place the whole thing lower down so it's believable that it got flooded or something. Sheesh.
Anyway, cow-hunting.







It's a bit hard to spot, but the gorgons are guarding a motherlode of chests, filled to the brim with sweet, sweet loot so, unfortunately, they gotta die and, unfortunately, they gotta die the hard way, because I don't want to risk the entire party getting turned into collectable figurines.


The main problem is that I can't look directly downwards or upwards, and the herd constantly tries to get immediately underneath me. I can run away, turn around, fire, run away, etc. OR I can try to get them stuck on geometry... like the chests.


It goes slowly but steadily but, then, disaster strikes as I accidentally dip a bit too low and...





Eventually the slaughter is complete and we can see what's in these chests which Jasp pops effortlessly.

Five of them are loaded with pure gold and gems, the sixth... also has gold and gems, and one more thing.

Nice weapon if we ever pick up a Knight again. Unfortunately, I think we mangle the game's only remaining source of ogre fighting this update.






This entire expedition was completely impromptu. I was headed back towards Alvar for that Balthazar's Axe quest, but then I saw some ogres and realized I could almost certainly pants them with impunity.




The smart move here is to not go in the gates, because the way they're shaped, a bunch of ogres will always be caught to either side and pile on you as you come in. If you must, make sure to run past the gates and THEN turn to fight. Or, you know, bring a dragon and fly in.





The gibbet is kind of a surprise. I know the M&M games are games where a lot of things are killed, and you find tons of bones and skeletons bereft of their former owners, but a gibbet presumably used for executing prisoners is still a step up in darkitude. Zog is clearly a right prick who needs a severe owning. Aside from this, though, the only points of interest in the exterior are that the towers have a chest full of random low-tier loot each, nothing worth taking note of.










Zog's fortress, as per usual for MM8 dungeons, throws enemies right in your face the instant you come in the door. I'm not sure why MM8 in particular is so bad about this, MM7 often had some enemies aggro as soon as you entered, but rarely spawning right on top of you, and MM6 generally had enemies at a generous distance away, with the entrance room usually being safe at least until you started moving.

Unusually for any kind of MM dungeon, though, the interior actually tries to mimic the exterior, by consisting of four long corridors forming a square, with towers at the corners, and, despite being located two areas "deeper" in the game, surrounded by gorgons and wyverns which are notably more dangerous, it has the exact same population as the ogre raiding fort in Alvar: Ogres, ogre mages and mercenaries.



The first goal is to clear out the corridors so you can enter the towers, or more specifically, one of them. All of them have like two enemies standing in the tower itself, ready to bonk you as you enter, but one of them has something special. A button!


Yank that, and you can proceed into the basement.





















With a trap difficulty of 20, it's entirely possible that your party won't be able to pop the chests down here without getting shrapnelized. Thankfully Ithilgore is tough enough to take it, while Thanys and Jasp have enough Perception to dodge the bad effects half the time. Kind of sucks for Arachne and Maylander, but I'm sure they'll be fine. They'll be fine.








Zog is... weird. Unlike a lot of named enemies he has completely identical to a normal tier 3 ogre mage stats and he doesn't even drop anything. Like, he was carrying 30 gold, which is even on the low scale of what ogre mages can drop. Usually named enemies at least have a quest item or a key or something on them.






The only unique area in the basement is this little lozenge-shaped room at the far south, it has a couple of chests tucked away in the corner and... as per the automap, a hidden room.









Time to get the heck outta here, we're done with the Ravage Roaming for now, so let's pop on over to Alvar and find that big special axe.







Handing in the cheeses is a pretty big payday, 25k gold and a decent batch of XP as well, especially considering that(if you have some moderate trap-busting skills), actually getting them just requires handling one tedious puzzle, a lot of dead rats and a way to cross a small stretch of water(flight, jump, water walking).












So, welcome to the Dark Dwarf outpost. It's got darkness and rocks.



Even the enemies are rocks!



This is what just two of them did to the party! Scary fellas.


And for once, the game devs appear to have understood how to make them difficult to deal with without being annoying or unfair, by placing them in locations where they're hard to trivialize by using shoot-and-scoot strategies to minimize their counterfire.


T-intersections in particular are nasty since if you pick the wrong side to turn to when entering, you need to pop back out the moment you hear a firing sound or you'll be eating a Blades or Rock Blast spell. Pictured: Me just dodging one of them by a hair's breadth.


What's really weird, though, is that like two minutes into this dungeon, you already have your quest objective sorted, and you haven't even met a single Dark Dwarf. I wonder if this was a misplacement and it was originally intended to go in a later chest or something. Still, not like this is gonna stop us, we've got some dwarves to stomp.




Between the death explosions and the Rock Blasts, getting through to the entrance of their little fortification in the caves is almost a total party wipe, it's really gruelling. Might've turned out differently if I'd bothered to teach Arachne the Earth resistance spell, but I never really expected the game to drop any decent levels of Earth-type damage on me, since it's generally such a neglected element.


Opening the door now give us the second half of the dungeon which just contains Dark Dwarves and probably the most evil trap across M&M6, 7 and 8.

Dark Dwarves are weird, they've all got crossbows... but none of them have ranged attacks, they're all melee enemies. So why didn't they model them with melee weapons? They're capable of hitting reasonably hard, but don't cause any conditions, don't cast any spells and are more fragile than the Boulders, which resultingly means that getting to them feels like a reward for fighting through the rocks. Just bursting them like fat little loot pinatas.










Psych. This corridor is the nastiest part of the game so far. It has corridor-wide triggers firing rock blasts(yes, plural, I think they may only be intended to fire one, but they're real trigger happy) as soon as you enter and multiple other places across the length. They've got enough power to wipe half the party in one shot(and if anyone's counting for MM8, yes, these casualties are canon, I slogged back to get folks resurrected at the temple). There's no way to disable them, there's no way to sneak in.
However, they're slightly off-centered, so if you cling to the rightmost wall(not the leftmost, though, that still gets you killed), you can slowly squeeze down the corridor without getting annihilated.







The little groups of three to four Dark Dwarves per room are no challenge, allowing the player to loot their footlockers with impunity. Mostly they just contain vendor trash and a few minor gear upgrades, but one of them has a real nice score for Arachne.

Not that there are any specific consequences to getting her killed as opposed to anyone else, but when big attacks hit she's usually the weakest link in terms of fragility.















I'm not sure if this is intended as the dark dwarves' well for the kitchen or as their toilet. It kind of looks like an old school commode or some such.



And the last room in the dark dwarf fortress I don't quite "get." They've already got a bunch of individual quarters, and then there's this big, shoddier-looking barracks right next door to it? I guess it would make sense if one was an officers' barracks and the other the menial one, but both appear to have much the same mix of high and low-level enemies.
In any case, that room doesn't even have any chests, just two barrels, so it's time to bail outta this hole in the ground... back to Dagger Wound Island. We're asked to get the axe authenticated by Dadeross back where the game started, rather than just hauling it over to Balthazar Lair. I don't quite get why since it's the opposite of a challenge at this point. Just hit Ravenshore, sail to Dagger Wound, use a single teleporter. Not even a single enemy. Or, like us, use Town Portal.


Town Portal practically puts us right inside the town hall, too.



And then it's time to portal back to Balthazar Lair which, thankfully, also has a fountain.



Easily solved! And with that, Thanys becomes our first promoted character. Nice and easy. Not that most of the promotions really make any vast differences, I think the Cleric and Necromancer are the only ones I'd classify as that type, and even then the Cleric one is much bigger for... a reason we'll get to when Arachne gets her promotion.





No votes this update
It seems to be generally agreed that Dragons are to be supported over Dragon Hunters, but also that people don't want to quite decide on the Sun Priests vs Necromancers conflict until they've met the two sides. So next time, we'll be visiting Murmurwoods and Shadowspire, to see what's up.